Brass Knuckles Revolution

As a writer, you are always looking out for a new weapon to add to your literary arsenal. The well armed writer possesses the basic array of grammar and style techniques, the precision instruments of the craft, as well as grenades comprised of unique voice, character development, plot twists, setting, and dialogue. However, to become a true writing warrior, you must master the nuclear bomb of all writing techniques—the art of “showing.”

The writer’s job is to reveal a world to the reader. The setting should unfold before them, laced with larger than life characters, gut wrenching plots, and spitfire dialogue. Unfortunately too many of the submissions I review don’t show the world, plot, or character of the story. Instead they tell the reader what is happening.

It’s understandable. I was guilty of it at one time. A few well-meaning writers and editors even tried to explain it to me, but it didn’t register until one day when the skies parted and the writing gods finally bestowed upon me the right arrangement of gears clicking into place I needed to get my head to wrap around the idea. When the light bulb turned on I realized that, although they meant well, they over complicated a very simple concept.

Showing instead of telling means that the writer is describing behaviors, settings, or elements in a way that allows the reader to see what is happening and infer certain things like character conflicts, flaws, and emotions. Telling is simply dictating, and though at times it is unavoidable to tell the reader something, the less it is used the better.

For example, telling is something like:

Sarah was obsessed with Tom.

A more evocative method is to show the reader that Sarah is obsessed with Tom:

Sarah watched Tom from her perch across the cafeteria. He laughed, revealing a captivating smile. She imagined herself, sitting at the table with him and his friends, wearing his letterman jacket and a promise ring on her hand. She scribbled his name for the seventy-eighth time on her notebook. She traced over the letters, engraving Tom Peterson into the paper with her green pen. His laughter cut through the crowded lunchroom once more. Sarah smiled as she surrounded his name with a green heart. Beneath it she wrote Mrs. Sarah Peterson.

The reader understands that Sarah is obsessed with Tom because the passage reveals her obsessive behaviors. Her behavior carries more meaning then the statement “she is obsessed” and creates a more visceral response in the reader.

Here is another example of telling:

Max was a serial killer.

Instead, we can show the reader that Max is a serial killer:

Careful not to pick up any stray fibers or particles, Max placed the duct tape back into the duffel bag. The smell of bleach coated the metallic odor and the stench of sex. The prostitute stared up to heaven, with her eyes forced open by the epoxy applied across her lids. The unfaithful husband lay beside her, castrated and stripped of all dignity. Blood trickled from the opening sliced across his abdomen. Layers of fat, muscle tissue, and organs burst from the swollen dome.

Maxine reached over the body and removed the gold band from the man’s finger. She slipped the wedding ring into the black velvet pouch, next to the others, and put the pouch back into her coat pocket. She stood. With well placed steps she circled the bed, coming to stand at the foot of the cheap hotel mattress.

Yes, everything is in place. Maxine picked up her duffle bag. Some men never learn.

Watching Max as she works is more lurid and engaging then simply knowing she is a serial killer. The fact that she placed the ring beside others shows that this is not the first time. The careful behavior and well packed kit demonstrates to the reader that she is a practiced killer. Simply telling the reader she is a serial killer minimizes the impact and takes all of the fun out of reading.

Dialogue is another great way to show elements of a story, especially back story and character conflict. For example, instead of saying Jennifer and Brian used to be lovers, you could do the following:

Brain closed the apartment door behind him. Jennifer emerged from the bedroom with a cardboard box in her hands.

“What are you doing here?”

“I live here. What are you doing here?”

“I came to get the last of my stuff.” Jennifer walked over to the book shelf and picked up a copy of Catch-22. She threw the paperback into the box.

“What are you doing with that?”

“Like I said, I’m getting my stuff.”

“That’s not yours, that’s mine.”

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is. I bought that at the bookstore while I waited for you at the coffee shop. You know, the day you were twenty minutes late.”

Crimson burned her cheeks. “Fine, keep it.” She grabbed the book and threw it at him. “Do you want any of this other stuff?” She grabbed a picture frame and tossed it across the room. “Because you can have it all. I don’t care.”

Brian dodged a well aimed bottle of shampoo. “Will you calm down? You can take the damn book if it means that much to you.” A pink gorilla from a travelling circus ricocheted off his chest.

“None of it means anything. It’s all a lie.” Jennifer slammed down the box. She yanked her purse down from the counter. Like a level five hurricane, she blew through the apartment, knocking off several picture frames as the door rammed shut behind her.

Much of the relationship between the two characters is revealed in the dialogue. The reader can sense the break up is recent and that it was not under good terms. It also makes the reader wonder what exactly happened between the characters and is it truly over, since Jennifer made a point of coming back unannounced. Such questions keep the reader interested, which after all is the writer’s big goal.

If you are still unsure of the difference between showing and telling, you may want to look into Jessica Morrel’s Thanks, But This Isn’t for Us. It’s a simple and easy to read guide that helps writers quickly identify missing elements and areas for improvement. It’s also a good practice to study the works of published writers. Read multiple passages and see how the author creates a balance between showing and telling. Ask yourself what makes that passage work, how did the writer convey certain ideas and emotions, and how can you incorporate those techniques into your writing. Studying (not stealing) published works is one of the best ways to improve your writing.